Post Your Joke Here!!

Wicca · #1 Jul 2nd, 2008, 20:01

Here's mine

A striking blonde woman walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object behind the counter, she asks, “What is that?”

The helpful store clerk responds, “Why, it’s a thermos.”

Still curious, the blonde asks, “What does it do?”

“It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,” replies the clerk.
So she buys one….

The next day, she brings her new thermos to work with her.
Her boss, also a blonde, asks, “What’s that shiny thingy?”

She replies with authority, “It’s a thermos.”

“Oh,” says he, “And what’s it do?”

“Well,” says she, “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”

Then he asks, “So what do you have in there today?”

“Two cups of coffee and a Popsicle.”

Stormraven · #2 Jul 2nd, 2008, 23:25

Why did the blonde gril stare at a bottle of orange juice? Because it said 'consentrated' on it lol

Bocaj · #3 Jul 3rd, 2008, 00:01

Quote:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said: "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see." Watson said: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes: "And what does that tell you?" Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are million of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes: "Somebody stole our tent."

Taken from my birthday cards for the last 3 or 4 years (yeah, people have a habbit of giving me the same things ¬.¬).

Wicca · #4 Jul 7th, 2008, 16:38

thanks for the comments!

christopher · #5 Jul 7th, 2008, 20:12

love the sherlock one

CloudedVision · #6 Jul 8th, 2008, 00:59

a policeman is patrolling the highway and sees a car puttering along at 22MPH. Inside is an old lady. He pulls her over.

"Excuse me ma'am, your traveling way below the speed limit. You could be a hazard to other drivers"

"Nonsense. I was traveling exactly the speed limit: 22 miles per hour"

The policeman explains that 22 is the route number, not the speed limit. The old lady thanks her. He glances in back of the car, and sees 3 other old ladies, faces as pale as ghosts.

"Hope you don't mind me asking, but whats wrong with the ladies in the back?"

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, we just got off route 119."

Jallin · #7 Jul 8th, 2008, 08:57

One blonde to another:
- Yesterday, I passed the test on pragnancy...
- and how the results? Were the questions hard?

simonb · #8 Jul 8th, 2008, 12:02

One blond says xmas this year is on a Friday and the other blond says i hope its not Friday the 13th

Bocaj · #9 Jul 8th, 2008, 15:40

My mum just told me this one (it's aweful btw).

Two blondes are walking down the street and they spot a compact on the floor, The first blonde picks it up and opens it, gazing into the mirror she says 'hey... that face looks familliar'.

The other blonde takes the compact and looks into it, she says 'haha silly, of course it looks familliar, it's me'.

Wicca · #10 Jul 8th, 2008, 17:57

hahah...nice post guys!!keep on posting..

CloudedVision · #11 Jul 8th, 2008, 18:37

Two octopi are walking down the street hand in hand in hand in hand in.........

Wicca · #12 Jul 8th, 2008, 19:26

Hahahah...funny..

christopher · #13 Jul 8th, 2008, 20:31

Now is it octopi or octopuses, a subject of great debate in the intellectual world.

frinkky · #14 Jul 8th, 2008, 21:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by christopher

...intellectual world.

Not here then

A guy walks into a bar with an ostrich under one arm and a cat under the other. He walks up to counter, puts the ostrich down onto one stool, the cat on another, the man in the middle.

The man calls the barkeep over; "I'll have a pint of lager please"

The ostrich thinks about this, licking his beak and says "yeah, actually I'm parched - make that two!"

To this the cat, disgruntled, turns around to the man and ostrich and says "Drink as much as you like, but if you think I'm paying you've got another thing coming!"

The barman, obviously a bit perplexed by the whole situation, ignores this and serves up the two pints.

10 minutes later, the man calls the barman over again "another one please, my good man!"

Again, the ostrich follows up with "Aye, another!"

The barman collects the two empties, pulls fresh glasses from behind the bar and proceeds to pour the new beers.

The cat turns to face the man and ostrich. In a low, menacing voice the cat tells them in no uncertain terms "There is NO way I'm paying for all this!"

The barman is a bit more concerned, but delivers up the pints nonetheless.

10 minutes goes by and the man taps on the bar top "That hit the spot! I think I'll have another" with the ostrich chirping in "Fantastic idea - make that two, barkeep!"

The barman, not all too familiar with being addressed by ostriches, clears the empties, grabs two fresh glasses and is just about to start pouring the fresh suds when the cat goes ballistic! "I've told you two I AM NOT PAYING FOR YOUR GODDAMN DRINKS! miaow"

"This is quite enough" thinks the barman and proceeds to interrogate his unusual patrons:

"Right, sir, before I pour these drinks for you and your ostrich I must insist you tell me what on earth is going on here! You're drinking pints like no tomorrow and your cat is, without doubt, not going to pay for them. I need an explanation!"

The man turns to the barman and says:

"Well, its a bit of a story, and to be honest I'm still in shock, but here goes:

I was driving down the road, not a mile back when I passed an old lady, stood by her car at the side of the road, obviously in distress.

I pull over, get out and ask her whats up. She tells me she has a flat tyre and she's been here for hours - would I mind helping? Of course, I said not a problem - I'll have the wheel changed in a jiffy.

Well, in 5 minutes I had the new wheel on and was just tucking the damaged wheel in the boot when she comes up to me and says that I'm the only person who pulled over to help her. Then she tells me she's a fairy godmother and she will grant me one wish".

The barman asks "so, what did you ask for???"

"Well, I asked for a bird with long legs and tight pussy..."

welshstew · #15 Jul 10th, 2008, 20:34

A web designer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He ben over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The web designer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a week and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the web designer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The web designer said, "Look I'm a web designer, I've got sites to build, forums to frequent and the internet to play on. I don't have time for a girlfriend.......

......... but a talking frog, now that's cool."

welshstew · #16 Jul 10th, 2008, 20:42

A student comes to a young professor's office after hours.

She glances down the hall, goes into his office, closes door behind her, and kneels pleadingly.

"Professor, I would do *anything* to pass this exam."

She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.

"I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...*anything*."

With a tinkle in his eyes, he returns her gaze.

"Anything??"

She licks her lips "*Anything*."

His voice softens. "*Anything*??"

"*Anything*." she purrs......

The professors voice turns to a whisper.

He raises one finger and beckones her over.

She leans down in front of him suggestivly and he leans in to whisper in her ear.....

"Would you...*study*???"

D3niss3 · #17 Jul 11th, 2008, 18:24

European male model #1: You know, he's albino.
European male model #2: Albino?
European male model #1: Albino? Albeeno?
European male model #2: Oh, albeeno, I know what that is. Red eyes.
American male model #1: What the ****? Blue eyes, man.
European male model #2: No, red. They don't have enough...
European male model #1: Ferment.
European male model #2: Yeah, not enough fermentation in their eyes. It's biology... That is biology.

--Q Train

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