Jokes again :D

Marc · #1 Feb 9th, 2008, 18:09

OK... Post your jokes here:

Quote:

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. 'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.' 'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz’. A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether ‘computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

Marc · #2 Feb 9th, 2008, 18:13

Quote:

A blind guy feels his way into a bar unaware that it is a lesbian bar. He sits on a stall and orders his beer, and then says "Anybody want to hear a good blonde joke?" The barmaid replied. "You are obviously blind so you better know, I'm blonde six foot three and I'm a judo champion, the bouncer is a blonde too, she is six foot three and 280lbs, and is a karate champion, sitting directly behind you are three of the biggest and toughest women wrestlers you could find, and they are all blondes to. Do you still want to tell your blonde joke?"
The blind man replied, "No, not if I have got to explain it five times!"

Also:

Quote:

A man walks into a bar....

... OUCH!!

alexgeek · #3 Feb 9th, 2008, 18:43

My jokes are how you say.. inappropriate.

Marc · #4 Feb 9th, 2008, 18:51

Mexican is strolling down the street in Mexico City and kicks a
bottle lying in the street.

Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Mexican is stunned and
the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish; anything
you want."

The Mexican begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking tequila."
Finally the Mexican says, "I wish to drink tequila whenever I want,
so make me pee tequila."

The Genie grants him his wish.

When the Mexican gets home, he gets a glass out of the cupboard and
pees in it. He looks at the glass and it's clear. Looks like tequila.
Then he smells the liquid. Smells like tequila. So he takes a taste
and it is the best tequila he has ever tasted.

The Mexican yells to his wife, "Consuelo, Consuelo, come quickly!"
She comes running down the hall and the Mexican takes another glass
out of the cupboard and fills it. He tells her to drink it. It is
tequila.

Consuelo is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best
tequila she has ever tasted. The two drank and partied all night.

The next night the Mexican comes home from work and tells his wife to
get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to fill the two
glasses. The result is the same. The tequila is excellent and the
couple drinks until the sun comes up.

Finally Friday night comes and the Mexican comes home and tells his
wife, "Consuelo, grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink
Tequila."

His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table.

The Mexican begins to fill the glass; and when he fills it, his wife
asks him, "But Pancho, why do we need only one glass?"

Pancho raises the glass and says, "Because tonight, Mi Amor, you
drink from the bottle."

Arriba!

alexgeek · #5 Feb 9th, 2008, 19:01

Why did the mexican push his wife off the cliff?
tequila (say it, it makes sense

)

simonb · #6 Feb 12th, 2008, 21:23

Quote:

On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"
"That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."
After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"

alexgeek · #7 Feb 19th, 2008, 18:53

What's green and bounces round the garden?

Spring onion.

Jack Franklin · #8 Feb 19th, 2008, 19:10

A lady is naked in the bath and hears a knock on the door.
"Who is it?"
"It's the blind man, can I come in?"
The lady thinks for a moment, and says: "Yeh, Ok"
The blind man enters, and says:
"Nice boobs, where dya want the blinds?"

ROFL LMAO!

(Delete if too inapropriate - but this should be ok?)

Ed · #9 Feb 19th, 2008, 22:55

I have a feeling that's a bit inappropriate! But LMAO, that is so funny.

Ed.

Ed · #10 Feb 19th, 2008, 23:13

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.

Bush asks how she knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

Bush nods: "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. Bush summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"

Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

"Now look here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb idiot, it's Tony Blair!"

LSA · #11 Feb 19th, 2008, 23:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jack Franklin

A lady is naked in the bath and hears a knock on the door.
"Who is it?"
"It's the blind man, can I come in?"
The lady thinks for a moment, and says: "Yeh, Ok"
The blind man enters, and says:
"Nice boobs, where dya want the blinds?"

ROFL LMAO!

(Delete if too inapropriate - but this should be ok?)

hahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahh ahah. That REALLY made me laugh. Rob thinks Im mental cos he'd already heard it and Im creased up.

danny322 · #12 Feb 21st, 2008, 08:47

Wife was washing her husbands trousers one day when she pulls a piece of paper out of the pocket with the name 'Lucy' wrote on it. She confronts her husband and asks who Lucy is, "oh, its the name of a horse im placing a bet on" he says......."ok" the wife said.

2 days later his wife walks up to him and hits him over the head with a frying pan, "what was that for!" he asks, she replies "your horse rang!"

A800 · #13 Apr 4th, 2008, 14:19

Mickey Mouse is in court because he wanted to divorce Minnie as she had buckteeth. Mickey Mouse says to the judge "I did not exactly mean it when I said that she was goofy.."

A800 · #14 Apr 4th, 2008, 14:30

A man who owns a goose finds out that his goose laid an egg in his neighbours garden. He knocks on the door and says "My goose has laid an egg in your garden. I would like to claim my egg." The man in the home says "No. If its in my garden, it is mine." After five minutes of this, the man tells the home owner "Ok.... how about we do this: I kick you in the delicate area, then you kick me in the delicate area. Whoever does not get up during this wins and gets the egg."

The home owner slowly-but-calmly agree's to the bout. The first man delivers one mighty kick to the home owners parts, which sends him in total pain and agony. The home owner gets up and says "Ok, my turn." the man says "Na, you can keep the egg.."

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Jokes again :D